What To Do If She Turns Down Your Marriage Proposal [Must Read]

There is a lot you can do to reduce the chances of
rejection, and you should already have an idea of
what she is thinking before you pop the question.
It goes without saying that you wouldn’t have
gone to all the trouble of saving for a ring and
planning the perfect proposal if you thought she
was just going to turn around and say “No”.
Yet, a marriage proposal is just that, a binary
question that can go either way. It doesn’t matter
how many gospel choirs you’ve hired or how
perfect that mountain vista is, you can never
guarantee that things will work out as you have
Unfortunately (or fortunately in some cases), data
suggests that a growing number of women are
turning down marriage proposals from men who
thought they had it in the bag. This probably has
more to do with the ever increasing level of
equality between men and women – and the fact
that sourcing a husband is no longer the
responsibility of one’s parents – than a decline in
the quality of us men-folk.
Of course there is a lot you can do to reduce the
chances of rejection and you should already have
an idea of what she is thinking before you pop the
question. Have you discussed your future
together already? Does she always stop and point
out engagement rings to you? Has she just come
straight out and demanded that you ask her to
marry you?
Even so, a woman can be fickle at times and she
is free to make up her own mind and turn you
down. This doesn’t always mean that the
relationship is destined to terminate however, but
it does indicate that there are two distinct and
divergent aspirations for your relationship that will
need addressing in a mature fashion.
How she responds to the proposal should be a
good indicator of whether or not the relationship
is salvageable. Hopefully she has reacted with
enough sensitivity to give an explanation for her
rejection – which broadly speaking should fall into
one of the following three camps:
No – Not right now: Ok, so she is not ready to get
married quite yet. She may be looking at this
from two different angles: that it is not the right
time in the relationship or it is not the right time
in her life. You could see the latter reason as more
positive, perhaps she feels she is too young to get
married or maybe she wants to focus on her
career for a while. Talk openly about what she
wants for herself, what did she have ‘planned’
and how do you fit into those plans? If this is her
only concern you should try to talk the matter
through and reach a sensible conclusion about
where to go from here – you may even win her
round and get her to reconsider. If she thinks the
time is not right in the relationship you need to
find out why you have differing opinions. She may
be concerned that you are not collectively ready
emotionally or financially or that you haven’t been
together long enough to ‘test’ your compatibility.
Through discussion you may discover that you
have completely polar outlooks on your
relationship – perhaps this is a cue to walk away.
No – I never want to get married: Believe it or not,
not all women have been dreaming of their
wedding day since they were six. For one reason
or another, your partner has decided that she
does not want to ever get married. Perhaps she
disagrees with the institution of marriage;
perhaps she comes from a broken home where
marriage was not joyous or celebrated. Whatever
the reason you may not be able to change her
mind. Don’t wait around for something that just
isn’t ever going to happen. If she still wants to be
with you in a stable, loving relationship that may
have all the trappings of a marriage but without
the paperwork, then you have to decide what you
want. Are you OK with never being a husband?
Only you can answer that.
No – I don’t want to marry you: This is probably
the hardest reason to hear. Yes, she has always
dreamed of getting married, she even has a
scrapbook under the bed with magazine clippings
and colour swatches; its just that she doesn’t
want to marry you. At least you know where you
stand with this one and there is normally nothing
left to do but go your own separate ways. You
should certainly look on the bright side however
as now you have all that free time to spend
searching for the girl for whom you really will be
mister right.
Don’t bottle it up
Whatever the reason for her rejection of your
offer, you shouldn’t stay quiet about it and let it
get to you. After you have sorted out what path
you and your partner are willing to travel – be it
together or separately – you should speak to your
friends about what has happened. They may have
been in similar situations themselves and be full
of advice.
Getting turned down is not a cause for
embarrassment and you must not feel ashamed
or foolish for trying. Yes, it will undoubtedly hurt
for some time – a long time perhaps – but you will
move on. If you do stay together, who knows
maybe she was right in her reasoning and your
relationship will go on to be stronger than ever
before. If you do break-up know that it was
definitely for the best and you should be glad it
happened sooner rather than later.
At least you won’t have to save for a ring again!

1 thought on “What To Do If She Turns Down Your Marriage Proposal [Must Read]

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